that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
