You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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