I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
