Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
