I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
