I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
