I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
