fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
