How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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