he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
