Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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