I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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