You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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