if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
