you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
