i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
