ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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