If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
