what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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