oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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