remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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