So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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