You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
