um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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