got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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