I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
