Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
