Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
