Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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