So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
