this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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