just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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