I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize