the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
