where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
