I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
