he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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