Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
