you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
