you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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