Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
