Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
