My brain says no but my pants say off.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
