Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
