rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
