This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
