I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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