What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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