it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
