the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
