you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
