Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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