last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
